I eat grits in the morning. They're not my favorite breakfast -- but I can't eat my favorite breakfast, shredded wheat, because I'm intolerant of gluten. So, no oats, no wheat, no rye, no barley, no malted anything... lots of no's.
Anyway, this morning, I decided to try something different. Instead of adding peanut butter and brown sugar to make my grits taste like something other than stale corn, I added butter and cheese.
I like butter; I like cheese. I thought, what could go wrong? I shouldn't have even thought it; I jinxed my breakfast.
You know what happens when you use hot water to help get the cheese off the metal cheese grater? The cheese runs. It gets sticky, and creates a greasy film that bonds to the metal. Add melted butter; does it get better? Not likely.
Picture that in a drinking cup, swirling around with stale corn. The clumps of sticky cheese grease cling to the spoon, and the cup, and your mouth, if you're silly enough to try eating it. I was.
Now what, I thought. Dump a cup of semi-liquid glop into the trash? They don't pick up 'til next Wednesday; what will it smell like by then? Pour it down the sink? I can hear the plumber, weeks from now: "You won't BELIEVE what I found blocking your drain; that'll be $200."
I don't dare put in writing what I finally did with it; there's a remote chance my wife will read this.
No comments:
Post a Comment